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Condoms Protect Real Love - Stage 3
Sunday, August 13 2006 @ 03:10 PM PDT
Contributed by: Alan Milne

Stage 3


Title: Stage 3

Label: Self Released

Genre: Rock / Experimental Noise

Tarck Listings:

The Wheel Of Fortune
Jason's Giant Apple
Blood Blanket Mood Setter
Blood Blanket
Planet Ettrick
A Night Out With Uncle Fred
Cum Operator


The reviewer writes for a website. The reviewer received a package. The reviewer found the release Condoms Protect Real Love - Stage 3 inside. The reviewer wrote up the review for Condoms Protect Real Love. Reviewer sends off review. The review is posted on the website. The artist writes in to disagree slightly with the review. The reviewer laughs. The reviewer doesn’t give a flying *censored* what anyone thinks. The reviewer has already forgotten about Condoms Protect Real Love and moved onto something else. The reviewer starts writing for another website. The reviewer receives a package. The reviewer finds Condoms Protect Real Love - Stage 3 inside to review. ‘*censored*!!’ says the reviewer. The reviewer listens once more to the recording. The reviewer thinks his first review is still valid and accurate. The reviewer is also a lazy *censored*. The reviewer cuts & pastes the original review. This is what the reviewer submits:

‘Phase 3’ is the third release from Condoms Protect Real Love since Uncle Fred started recording under this moniker back in the summer of 2004. "Stage 03" revels in a debasement of sex and corruption. The inner booklet screams PERVERT at you in huge letters. Anti-religious and pro-Nazi (or is that pro-religious and anti-Nazi…the distinction is blurred at best) with a healthy dose of sex is the basis of the pictures and text. The music comes then as a bit of a shock. Featuring 7 tracks on a 54 minute CDR of Industrial rock circa early Ministry crossed with The Swans through to power electronics and black ambience Uncle Fred covers all the bases. Vocals are at best distorted going onto unintelligible. When he lets his hair down…assuming he has any…and rocks he happily rips it up in a way that readers of Kerrang / Metal Hammer / Terroriser magazines would wet themselves to. When he moves away into the more darker side with the noise and ambience it comes as a complete bolt out of the blue. Giving people like Fire in the Head a run for their money his pieces are suitably dark and disturbing soundscapes. Uncle Fred also likes to incorporate lots of different samples into his music which helps proceedings along nicely. The problem…albeit a minor one…is does Uncle Fred really know who he is? Is he a rocker? Or is he a dark / power noise instigator? The two facets of Uncle Fred sit uneasily next to and bleed into each other. This confusing mixture leaves more questions than answers. I quite like it but then that’s the way I am. Whether you will is open to debate.

The reviewer sits back. The reviewer is pleased with himself. The reviewer sends off the review. The reviewer wishes he had added that the follow on release ‘Phase 4’ by Condoms Protect Real Love is a far better recording. The reviewer scratches his bald patch. ‘So it goes’ he thinks as he moves onto something else.



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